24 June 2012

Day 47 - Using Math to feed my Ego

In class the other day - I had reactions to my classmates and our attempt at solving a problem, that existed within both polarities of inferiority and superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as superior to others for my application of math

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as superior to others for my effectiveness in showing others how to do/apply math

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a ‘math tutor’ and get an energetic high within this as self value and a self definition and as a way to separate myself as being better then others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am separate from others when I participate within the definition of being superior to others for being a ‘math tutor’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others as inferior to me and that I'm so much better then others because I ‘get’ math and enjoy it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use math as a way to feel better about myself within myself and this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete with other students in math in competiting to be right within having the right answers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for competiting with me through judging them for wanting to be right and better then me within math

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete with myself as others through having to be better then them at math

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to another when they said, “I was right” through judging them as ‘having’ to be right to feed their ego, instead of taking responsibility for feeding my own ego with the very same point and thus I forgiven myself or accepting and allowing myself to project my self righteous ego of superiority within math unto another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as who I am and thus use being a ‘math tutor’ as a way to feel better about myself because I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in other ways and so seek to find ways to attempt to be better then others, and apparently better then myself

I forgive myself for not realizing that to attempt to be superior to others is within the acceptance of being inferior and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the polarity of inferior and superiority, taking myself on a ride as friction going back and forth from one polarity to the next trying to find balance

I forgive myself for not yet allowing myself to realizing I do not require polarity, as I am HERE as LIFE as the breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior to another when they had the correct answer within math class, and I did not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as inferior to my classmates as they had to show me how they got their answers, existing in the polarity of how I experienced myself before, as being superior within having the ability to show them how to solve the math problem

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as an ego that can be 'bruised'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as inferior within intellect and thus use the application and knowledge as math to be that which I utilize to feel better about myself, and superior to others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use math as a skill as a way to separate myself from others as me within seeing myself as more or less then them, isntead of bringing equality here as me within all forms, and within this situation, having and sharing an equal knowledge and ability to use math with all in my class

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within defining myself as either good or bad in math and within this limit myself within comparing myself as either better or worse then others within math - instead of realizing that to be either or limits any and all possibilities to be something different

When and as I see myself comparing myself to others within using and utilizing math - I stop and I breathe, realizing through comparisions there is self judgments and thus I stop all forms of self judgments and stand here equal and one as all as who I am as as life as each breath

When and as I see myself competing with others within using math - I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to the awareness of what I am participating within which is only a game where one must lose in order for another to win and thus I stop creating losers and winners within and as myself - and create equality as who we really are

I commit myself to stopping all comparisons and competitions within myself and others as I see this creates conflict and separation within myself and life and thus I take responsibility of life as me here and stop all that which does not support what is best for all

I commit myself to stop all forms of self judgments wherein I judge myself and who I am and attempt to find ways to be better and feel better and be more then others - I stop this self abuse of myself and others and stand here within realizing/living equality as who we really are