15 June 2012

Day 42 - Destonians: The Gang for Life


I allowed myself to fall within this point of writing everyday. And have been given myself excuses to only post Journey to Life every other day – or at least that is the pattern I am allowing.

Yet I realize the point of this process, and the fact that we are equally walking the same process.

I didn’t know what to write about today, and so I took the dictionary and opened it up and looked at the first word my eyes focused on: GANG.

I had a reaction come up. “What the fuck – how am I able to write about this word?” I did this because I was giving myself excuses that I didn’t know what to write about, and so I chose to use the support I have been given by others, to just open a book or dictionary and look at a word – see what comes up and write it out.

So – I did this and I got ‘Gang’ – and I reacted to this world. I defined it as ‘negative’ and of no use for me in my applying freedom in writing or self forgiveness. Yet – already, within seeing there is a ‘negative charge to the word’ – there is reason for self forgiveness. Because I attached ideas to that word with negative energies – such as a gang being about criminals. Yet what was fascinating is that the very first definition of the word in the dictionary is ‘a group of persons working together’ – LOL. I couldn’t help but think of my fellow destonians… who are standing up for themselves and life to create real change in this world, for all life. And this brought me to a point of self responsibility. Of how I have not been pushing myself to be fully what I am capable of and to live as. I have not been disciplined within myself to walk this process with consistency, and it shows in my Journey to Life blogs – where I allow myself to post every other day – when I am ABLE to write and post every day – there has been no valid reason not to. And so makes me consider those beings throughout this world, spread across oceans and continents, some even here in my own country… standing up and changing themselves and sharing with all how we do this practically. How we change this world actually. And so – who am I within this group? Am I pushing myself to be equal in my participation? Revealing myself to be actually changing myself? Not to the best I can – I see that within self honesty. And so thank you dictionary, thank you self, thank you destonians for showing me what I am able to do – and what is necessary to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the word gang as ‘not valid’ when opening it in looking for a word to support me within my writing process

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word gang as ‘not valid’ because of my accepted definition of the word existent within myself – which was negative and having to do with urban teens and young adults who commit crimes and are ‘outlaws’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word gang as a negative polarity within the image of my mind of young guys wearing baggy clothes and walking on the streets and not being productive citizens

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word gang through pictures and images within my mind based within a polarity as negative

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that a gang is a group of people working together and thus I redefine the word gang to be just that – a group of people working together and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear participating in a gang, as a group of people working together for a common goal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not push myself within my abilities to walk equal and one with/as the group of Desteni as Destonians

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not push myself to write everyday for myself, and publish my writings every day for myself as others, to assist and support others within realizing how we are able to change this world practically, actually through/as ourselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that only as a group as all as one working together as one force for one goal that is best for all – will we actually create change in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not push myself to be effective within myself within my process of changing myself as this world, through not pushing myself to be consistant with my application of writing and publishing every day – when I know I am able, and I have simply allowed myself to not with no valid excuse or justification, besides believing I can ‘do it tomorrow’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the moment that is here as change in a moment to write when I allow myself to go into resistance as the back chat of ‘I can do it tomorrow’, instead of realizing this is a projection as separation, separating myself from me here as the moment and what is here to be seen/realizing/lived within changing myself as the process I walk

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not support myself unconditionally within consistently applying writing and publishing everyday, as I have realized for myself consistency is stabilitiy and thus I forgive myself for not allowing myself to exist as stability within writing every day as consistency

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself when I see I am allowing resistance and lack of discipline within myself, instead of realizing I am who I accept and allow of myself and I DO NOT allow myself to be directed by resistance, as I realize they are gifts for me to wlak through and thus I allow myself to gift myself through walking and facing all resistances within myself and my life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the purpose of writing everyday is to rescript myself into being a human being that actually cares in this world, that considered what is best for all and thus live this principle every moment of my life – so that we then create a humanity as a group that all care for each other as ourselves and thus creating heaven on earth, and so writing everyday and publishing everyday is the key to show who each one is, as who I have been has been kept secret within my secret mind where I have allowed an alternate reality of ‘who I am’ be spiteful and vengeful, and jealous and judgmental, feeding off myself as the physical to feed the energy of the mind and ego, instead of being here, walking as breath, sorting out myself to live effectively in ways that gets shit done in order to once and for all create a reality where all life is supported to live equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as excuses as to why the world wont change, instead of realizing I AM the change that I want to see in this world, practically, physical, with writing and self forgiveness… and thus I commit myself to walk this process, out loud and for all to see. I commit myself to stop all excuses for not publishing every day when I see clearly there has never been a valid one

I commit myself to support the group that stands as what Is best for all as I have been supported within my own standing by/as the group

I commit myself to walk equal and one with all others beings walking the equal and one process as me – coming together all over the world to stand as one, within equality to once and for all agree the change the world as ourselves, into/as What is Best for All

I commit myself to never give up on this process – and to push myself until I get it, until it’s done