22 May 2012

Day 27 - Living the Lie instead of the Life as the Living Word

I have been allowing myself to occupy myself and distract myself within cycles of self abuse - abusing self forgiveness through not living the words in myself/my reality and thus looping myself back to the same fucking point. It stops here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the back chat of “I don’t feel like it” when it comes to me writing daily self honesty and self forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the back chat of “there is nothing to write about” as I realize this is an excuse and justification to not change the living of who I am as the decision of who I am and instead allowing the mind to be more then me thus separating myself as inferior to me as the mind – I stop this and commit myself to no longer use the excuse “there is nothing to write about”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to occupy myself within the pattern of allowing resistance to writing – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cycle this point of writing daily and always bring myself back to the same point…. Not writing for days and then having to force myself to write within seeing this is bullshit. I stop creating bullshit – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as bullshit as the words I speak where I haven’t yet allowed myself to live the decision of who I am as the actions of writing daily - thus abusing forgiveness I have applied, abusing myself as the commitments I Have made and not yet lived

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself fro mmyself as the living words through not living the words I speak or changing my living into the statement of the self forgiveness statements I have made as the decision of who I will be and will not be in this life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself as the living word through not living the words I speak

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the power of the living word through not living the words thus rendering any statements spoken by me useless as they are not then lived

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “it’s too hard’ when it comes to writing daily – as I realize and have seen that this is the excuse of me as the mind to not have to face who I am nor take responsibility for who I am thus proving to myself that I cannot be trusted with life as I do not live the words I speak thus I am living a lie – speaking words I do not live so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as the living lie

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the living lie through not living the words I speak thus separating myself form being the living word

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of ‘it will take too much time” instead of realizing I have dedicated 27 years of my life to creating myself as a lie – thus I allow myself to realize I must walk a process of accumulating the decision over and over again of who I WILL be within this Life – realizing I want to live what is best for all, yet this want is separation, because what is best for all is already here as me thus I must realize the LIVING change of who I am to be that which is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “I’m tired’ when it comes to writing daily – allowing this excuse to be who I am to not take responsibility for myself or this world as I am then in that moment deciding to live the lie of the mind as if that is who I really am thus deciding to live in dishonesty instead of living who I am as self honesty – not listening/participating/believing/ACCEPTING OR ALLOWING ANY excuse such as tiredness to direct me away from what is necessary to be done – which is writing everyday so that I can see my bullshit – face my bullshit and correct myself bullshit as this is the only way I will determine who I am as life – life lived as what is best for all and not bullshit of self interest where I desire to be comfortable within not changing who I am because I have defined it as not worth it – thus deciding Life is not worth it as I as life have not decided to LIVE myself as LIFE as self responsibility within self honest. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself as life as all as one as equal in deciding my comfortability is more important then sorting myself out and this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run in circles within myself and my life through not pushing through into the depths of myself as I remain within fear on the surface of myself – where I do not write every day, and circle around one point to keep me distracted and occupied – with just one point – instead of CORRECTING this POINT as the LIVING decision of WHO I AM within this LIFE and thus allowing myself to move within myself to see MORE of myself and thus allow myself to expand.

TILL HERE NO FURTHER

I make the decision to LIVE the application of writing EVERYDAY – no excuses, no justifications, because no matter where I am – I am always able to write, and thus I DO THIS, I commit this to myself as I will no longer accept and allowing myself to exist within this cycle of self abuse. It stops here as I decide who I am – I am one that supports myself through writing everyday – seeing into myself creating self intimacy. Until all live is living intimacy as equality.