23 May 2012

2012: Relaxing as Attention Diversion

WRITING:

In the last week I have seen where I have allowed myself go into ‘attention diversion’ – where I allow myself to divert my attention away from myself and in this case, into movies as entertainments. In these moments, there is a point of “I just want to relax”, “I don’t want to do anything” and also, what I found while watching these movies as a form of attention diversion, is that I completely throw myself into the movie where I allow the emotions of the movies to take me on a ride, and when I get off (the movie is over)– I want more. One night not too long ago, I ended up watching 3 movies in row, because I didn’t want to face myself alone, and wanted that ‘excitement’ of the stories I was watching… I wanted to energy.

So looking more specifically at the starting point for wanting to just watch movies was the back chat of self –abdication, where there were things to be done, yet I opted to ‘give up’ and ‘let them go’ as to not have to face them – myself as the responsibility to get them done, and went into this point of ‘I feel tired and I just want to relax.’

SELF FORGIVENESS:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself from myself as responsibilities within my world with movies as a form of diverting my attention

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my cheek from the responsibilities within my world when I experience myself as being ‘tired’ or not wanting to do anything else and desire to be distracted with movies and a form of ‘holding my attention’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “I just want to relax” when I see I still have responsibilities within the day I can complete – but instead follow the back chat and decide to distract myself with movies as entertainment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “I don’t want to do anything” as a way to abdicate my self responsibility to myself in every moment and thus desire to divert my attention away from myself and the experience of myself and the responsibilities I have within watching movies

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself while watching movies – as my starting point was of separation within deciding to watch these movies thus while I was watching them – I was not here with/as myself as the breath – I was within the movie, allowing the emotions of the story to direct me within energies within myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek energy within movies that I watch as a way to not take responsibility for myself in each moment – where I allow emotions to rise and fall within me where I can get a high off of them, and then allow myself to desire more and more and more – instead of taking responsibility of myself within seeing what I was allowing and stopping it – bringing myself back to breath, and even perhaps stop watching the movie – as in that decision I was abdicating responsibility to myself as the projects that still required attention in the day

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to divert my attention away from myself as the breath and allow the movie to direct my attention – to direct the experience of myself as I allowed myself to ride the waves of the emotions within the movies


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as boring so much so that I believed I had to watch 3 movies in a row to entertain myself – where I believed the movies were more exciting then being with myself within the various projects I could have worked with thus revealing to myself here how I believe I require energy as excitement to live and enjoy life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define life as energy as excitement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to experience excitement as energy in order to enjoy life – instead of realizing only the mind require energy as excitement to exist – while the body requires simply breathing, food and water – and thus realizing that is what is real thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to exist within my illusionary reality of the mind as seeking energy instead of being here with and as the breath where I am then living with all life equal to and one with me as the physical thus realizing this is where enjoyment is real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is easier to watch a movie then to face myself and breathe and get done the responsibilities I have during the day, realizing if I was with/as the breath – then each point moves as me as I direct it, where when I stop and allow the mind to be directive principle – it tells me it’s ‘too hard’ and wants to distract and divert it’s attention thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the mind in its attempt to divert my attention as a way to not face myself – face my responsibilities and feed myself with energy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the end of the day as a time to relax wherein I then don’t complete the last tasks that I have committed myself to complete and instead go into the accepted definition of the mind that I can give up and let go and divert my attention with movies

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define watching movies as easier then my responsibility as daily tasks and project thus allow myself to go to the ‘easier’ point as I have defined it within my mind – Instead breathing through the experience as resistance and push myself to get things done, not allowing the experience to be more than me where I then submit myself to the mind’s direct of diverting my attention towards watching movies

SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENTS:
When and as I see myself participating within the mind as back chats telling me to give up on the rest of the responsibilities I have throughout my day – and instead desire to divert my attention away from myself and away from the responsibilities as not wanting to face myself as directing myself – I Stop and I breathe and I see what I am accepting and allowing and thus I allow myself to breathe through the experience in no longer attempting to distract myself as hiding from myself and the experience of myself – I breathe and move myself to get done what it is necessary to be done, and do not allow the back chats of giving up and desire for diversion to direct me – I direct me here with/as the breath of Life

When and as I see myself desiring energy in the form of watching movies – I stop and I breathe and I check my starting point for making the decision to live this action, and thus take responsibility for myself to see whether it is practical or not and if it is not – if there are things still required to do – I stop and breathe and move myself to get them done, allowing no excuse or justification and if it is practical – I clear my starting point for wanting to watching movies and make sure that I support myself to be here while watching the movie to ensure I am not enslaving myself to the energies of emotions within the movies – I support myself to see where these emotions still come up and investigate them within myself so that I can release them from myself and no longer be taken on a ride of energy

When and as I see myself seeking excitement in the form of energy within defining life as excitement – I stop and I breathe and I allow myself to see that Life is not defined by energy and enjoyment and excitement is not defined by energy – It is a living statement of who I am and thus can only be lived within/as the breath as life realizing this is what is real – real living – equal to and one with all here as this physical reality – thus no one is excluded from the expression of enjoyment of life

When and as I see myself wanting to divert my attention away from myself and into movies as distractions – I stop and I breath and I do not allow this within myself – I take back directive principle of myself and realize what I am allowing through accepting the minds experience – fear of not existing and wanting to hide away – in stead I stop – I breath – I stand up within myself and take directive decision to move myself

When and as I see myself participating in the pattern of wanting to give up and not ‘go on’ within completing my responsibilities throughout the day – I stop and I breathe and I push myself through the resistance as the back chat of ‘its too hard’ and realizing with/as the breath it is simply and so I stop allowing me as the mind to tell myself it’s ‘too hard’ I allow this to be a red flag to myself in seeing what I am allowing and bring myself back to directive principle of myself as the breath

REDEFINING THE WORD: Relax


1. Gathering information:

a. Establishing self’s allocation point – Within this point I can see how I have defined relax as ‘giving up’ on something and choosing to relax instead – where relaxing has become a point of attention diversion – as a way to not face myself and to attempt to escape from myself and my reality where I defined the physical reality as ‘too difficult’ and thus desire to relax as a way of ‘getting away’


b. Dictionary Definition –
verb (used with object)
1.to make less tense, rigid, or firm; make lax: to relax themuscles.
2.to diminish the force of.
3.to slacken or abate, as effort, attention, etc.
4.to make less strict or severe, as rules, discipline, etc.: torelax the requirements for a license.
5.to release or bring relief from the effects of tension, anxiety,etc.: A short swim always relaxes me.


b. Sounding the word – Relax… re – lax, re lacks, we lacks, me lacks

2. Investigate the information of the word that has been gathered

Does the definition within the different aspects that you have gathered as information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)?

This can be determined by looking at:
• Your own personal experience with this word
-What I am starting to see is that ‘relax’ has been defined/lived within myself to be something I do in order to ‘get away’ from myself and my reality – like ‘life’ is tense and I just want to let it go and ‘relax’ So it’s been a word I have lived within escaping my reality as a way to not face the experience of myself

• How you have interpreted the word as ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’
-Positive/good – because the word within myself as bee lived as something I do to ‘get away’ where I can run away from my problems, or myself or my reality and just ‘let it go’ and so within this it is something I desire as I allow myself to not face myself/my reality when/as living the word relax

• What associations do you have with the word? Napping, vacation (beaches and nice weather)

• Do you feel better or worse when you are using or experiencing this word? Better as I defined it as something I ‘get to do’ when things become to difficult for me so in a way, I am happy when I get to live the word relax, as I don’t have to take responsibility for myself or my world and I can excape within myself into my mind, so it’s something I desire to do when ‘shit gets rough’ – whether in my reality or within myself as the experience of myself

Self Forgiveness on the word

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax as escaping from myself and my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax as something I do when my reality or the experience of myself gets to hard and I don’t want to face it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax as something I can do to get away or run away from myself and my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax with napping

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax with memories within my mind of going on vacation and being on the beach – I delete these memories

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax as a positive charge as being something I ‘get to do’ after having a hard time in myself and my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax in separation of myself here – as I realize to live the word relax would to breath in every moment – as I am then not allowing myself to be dragged around as thoughts and emotions and feelings, I will live simply in a relax expression as I am here, directive of myself within/as the breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the experience of myself and my reality to be difficult and thus desire to live the definition I Have give to the word relax as that which I do to escape and not face myself or my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax in separation of myself and my life – believing it is something separate form me like I place I must go to to get away from where I am – instead of realizing I am always here

I delete these definitions and stand clear within and as the word relax – removing the polarity of positive charge and allow the word to be innocent without memories or beliefs or ideas within it that do not support me or what is best for all

3. New definition

a. Creative writing: relaxing is like saying I am lacking something in my life – my life is lacking enjoyment and stability and peace and thus I desire to find it in an experience of the word relaxing. Instead of living the word relaxing as something that is simply and here and enjoying the experience of life as the breath – living then in peace with myself and not allowing myself to be dragged around by the energies of thoughts feelings and emotions, yet allow myself to live relax as who I am as the breath, here, calm, open, living.

b. Writing the definition:

New definition: Relax: That which I do every moment of myself as the breath – where I allow myself to be calm and here and stable as the breath not being dragged around by the energies of thoughts, feelings and emotions. No longer a form of escape, but calmness as myself in every moment of breath thus I am always relaxed, always open, always here.



4. Checking the definition

a. Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: no

b. Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: yes
c. Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means?
Answer: yes