16 April 2012

DIP into Desire for Relationship

I can see various aspects of myself that exist within/as desire. Mainly to/towards relationships and even more specifically – in relation to a past relationship wherein I still experience memories and the desire to be with him – speak to him, see him. It comes up as a ‘missing’ – like I miss this person and I desire him back in my life. Within this – I end up experience myself within a state of depression–wherein I feel like I missed out – or even a point of regret – where I see what my participation was within our relationship – how I was not effective in walking with him and see how I could have done things differently. So this desire is to ‘do it over’ – to try again – to show that I have changed and that I am not the same person. Yet – I realize also how this desire is based on a self definition – how I perceived/believed myself to be – the person that I was while I was with him – I felt good and proud and happy – defining myself as special for having him in my life – and so this desire within the idea that without him – I am not this person. That somehow I am without – that I am missing something and to get back that person I believed myself to be… and really I can see this person that I believed myself to be within our relationship – was someone worth loving. Because I know he loved me and cared for me and one particular memory that comes up is when we were out with friends and I was talking about something random.. and he just stopped and looked at me and said, “I love this girl” – and this just made my whole world. I felt special and loved and complete and happy. So within this – desiring to get back that feeling of being loved – of feeling accepted and worth being in a relationship with.




I can also see within this where I am separating myself from myself – and placing my self love and self value into the responsibility of another. Beliving that I need another to fulfill me, to complete me, to be happy, to be content to be accepted. This is all dishonesty – as I am disregarding myself within giving to myself that which I believe I can get from another – and where I expect that from another.. instead of realizing only I can give that to myself. I am the one seeking for myself – yet in an attempt to abdicate my responsibility to myself – I project it onto another to give that to me. This is not how it works – and through this placement of self definition and expectation – I will always experience dis-satisfaction – as I am not seeing that which I am actually looking for – Me. And so within this – the desire to have this person back so that I can feel love and accepted and happy is an amazing gift – as I can now see this is what I am looking for within myself. Self Love, Self Acceptance, Self Attention – and I realize this does not exist in another separate from me – it exists here as me – so my responsibility is to give to myself that which I expect from another in every moment of breath– because here as the Breath of Life – I am whole, I am honoring myself within Self Honesty and I embrace myself as Life.

SELF FORGIVENESS:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself here as the breath through participating in thoughts of desire for a past relationship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto my past relationship with A through memories within my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by the past relationship with A
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire the past relationship I had with A
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an energetic feeling of depression within thoughts of A within believing that I miss him and still want to be with him
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe who I was with A is the person I want to be today – instead of realizing it is the relationship I accept with myself as A that I desire to have again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek self fulfillment separate from myself here as A
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I miss A instead of realizing I am only missing myself – missing myself here as life as the breath when I participate in thoughts within the Mind of my past relationship with A
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the past through the Mind as Memories of my past relationship with A – instead of allowing myself to see the past has past and is no longer here and thus it is for me to release myself from the bondage of holding onto the past – realizing my power is here within and as me as the present moment of and as every breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge who I was in the past with A and desire to be with him again as a way to ‘make up’ for what I accepted and allowed within myself and our relationship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within regret of who I was in the Past with my relationship with A – instead of allowing myself to see who I was – use it as a way to support myself to change myself and allow myself to forgive myself and let go – realizing my power of creation is here in every moment of breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire ‘doing it over’ with A – believing that within this desire I am somehow changing my past – instead of realizing this is only keeping me stuck in the past and separate form myself here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to desire being in a relationship again with A as a way to show to him I have changed – to do things over – as a way of presenting myself within the ego of self righteousness where I believe I will find forgiveness in another – instead of forgiving myself for what I accepted and allowed and thus take responsibility for myself and who I was in our relationship and within this realizing I cannot change for another – I am only able and will only change within the starting point of self – as self – for self and so within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change for another – for how they see myself and for what their perceptions are of me – instead of living for myself – living for me here as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the ego of the mind as fear of how A sees me based on who I was in the past and within this desire to be with him again as a way to ‘prove’ that I am a better person – realizing this is dishonest – as I am still separating myself from myself through believing I will find forgiveness in another – I realize only I can forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from happiness through accepting myself to define myself as happiness within A, separate and outside of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I will find happiness in A or any other being – instead of realizing I am here as happiness as life as every breathe I take as me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from contentment through accepting myself to define myself as content within A, separate and outside of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I will find contentment in another separate from me here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as Love through accepting myself to define myself as Love within A, separate and outside of myself
I forgive ymsel ffor accepting and allowing myself to believe I will find Love in another separate from me here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself through accepting myself to define myself within A and our relationship, separate and outside of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that within a relationship with A – I will be happy and content and experience love – instead of realizing I must realize/live this as myself every moment of breath for it to be real in relationship to another – I must give to myself that which I desire/expect from another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from Pride through accepting myself to define myself as Pride within A, separate and outside of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Pride is an experience I find with another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as special for being in a relationship with A
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as A as seeing him superior to me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as A through defining myself as inferior to him
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as missing something now that I am no longer in a relation with A
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am without not being in a relationship with A – instead of realizing I am ‘missing’ myself when I am within the mind as desire – believe another can give to me that which I require – which is myself – in all ways here in every moment of breathe – as this is who I am as life – and love – self honoring self enough to be here as life as the breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am only worth loving if I am in a relationship – as this defines me as ‘loveable’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the memory of A saying, “I love this girl” – and within this separating myself as myself as self love through accepting that only another can give me love – only another can love me – instead of realizing only I can love myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of A saying, “I love this girl” in front of his friends as a way to define myself as special as this person said this in front of all his friends – and I accepted this to be real – that this is what love is and through this separating myself as love through defining myself as loveable within A, separate and outside of myself Here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from self acceptance through accepting myself to define acceptance within A, separate and outside of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as wholeness through accepting myself to define wholeness within being in a relationship with A, separate and outside of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as incomplete without another to be with me in a relationship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from self value through accepting myself to define my value within A, separate and outside of myself here

SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENTS:

When and as I see myself participating within thoughts of A and our past relationships – I STOP – and I breathe – and bring myself back here to myself within realzing the past is gone and my power of self responsibility is here as the breath and thus I stop separating myself through the Mind as memories – remain present withn myself as the gift of life as the breath

When and as I see myseld desiring to be with A – I stop and I breathe – realizing he can not give me that which I seek – which is me – to be here within self honesty – as the breathe of life that I am. I stop seeking love outside of myself – I see myself as love here

When and as I see myself desiring the relationship I had with A – I STOP and I breathe, bringing myself back here to reality – where that relationship does not exists – and thus I stop participating in delusions of the mind as alternate realities of memories – and remain focused on who I am here in the moment – what requires my attention and stop entertaining myself In separation of myself

When and as I see myself participating in the feeling of missing A – I stop and I breathe – realizing I am showing to myself that I am missing me – missing myself as life as the breathe through separating myself within existing as the Mind as thoughts and memories. I stop and I breathe – realizing this is what is real as who I really am – and thus I stop missing out on me as Life and I remain here – constant, to same, yesterday today and tomorrow

When and as I see myself defining my self love, self acceptance, self value, self worth, self acceptance in separation of myself here through/within A – I stop and I breathe – bringing myself back here within and as the breathe – as myself as my physical body – as that is who/where I am/exist for real – this is living the statement self love, loving myself as breathing equal and one as Life, self acceptance, accepting myself as the breath – realizing this is enough for me to exist here, no longer needing memories and relationships separate form me here to accept me – I simply require to accept myself. Self value – valuing myself as life as the breath, with each inhale/exhale, valuing the life that I am as a breathing physical being. Self worth – allowing myself to be worthy of life as equal as life as the breath.

I realize no one can give me that which I desire – it is in all ways a self reflection of myself – and thus I give to myself that which I desire – which is love, attention, acceptance, value. I love, attend to, accept and value myself here as Life without thoughts as the Mind.

REDEFING WORDS:
Relationship:

1. Gathering information:

a. Establishing self’s allocation point – defined as ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’. an experience I have/share with another. A partner – an interaction where I find myself to be satisfied. An interaction wherein I feel complete and whole. Something I wish to have with another, wherein I can feel better about myself and not feel alone. An engagement with another human being that causes excitement within me – wherein I can relate to this other person, I can share with this other person, where I can have sex with a person, wherein I feel safe as I ‘have somebody”.


b. Dictionary Definition –
RELATIONSHIP
noun
1.a connection, association, or involvement.
2.connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3.an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.
4.a sexual involvement; affair.

b. Sounding the word – relationship – relate to ship – relaying ship – relying on a ship – relying as I sit – Relationship = Relying on another as I sit – where I do not stand as myself as whole/complete as who I am here as Life as the Breath

2. Investigate the information of the word that has been gathered

Does the definition within the different aspects that you have gathered as information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)?

This can be determined by looking at:
• Your own personal experience with this word I can see how I have lived this word relationship as a dependency on another – defining myself according to the relationship I have with another, expecting another to give to me that which I am able to give to myself, yet never lived, expected to find myself in a relationship with another.
• How you have interpreted the word as ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’ Positive – as it is something I ‘have/own’ where I can ‘find myself’ and ‘discover myself’ and ‘feel whole and complete’ – as an emotion of excitement as a relationship = sex, and this is what I desire in a relationship – to feel accepted and loved and valued.
• What associations do you have with the word? A desire or excitement to have/obtain this. My past relationship with A – and how I defined that as a ‘good relationship’ because within this I defined myself as happy and complete. An interaction between 2 people who share themselves and depend on each other to fulfill each other
• Do you feel better or worse when you are using or experiencing this word? Better – as within using this word – it implies I have had or will have one – and thus I am happy about this because apparently I will ‘find myself’ within this – a relationship

Self Forgiveness on the word

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define to word relationship in separation of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define relationship as something I have to obtain
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relationship within polarity as positivity – wherein I allow an energetic experience of excitement of being able to interact with another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my past relationship with A with the word relationship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the word relationship in separation of myself through defining it as that which I msut have in order ot be complete and whole, through another as having a relationship
I forgive mysel ffor accepting and allowing myself to define relationship as that which human require to have
I forgive ymsel ffor accepting and allowing myself to define relationship as sex
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word relationship through defining in within my mind as sex and being with another being
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word relationship through defining it an an energetic experience of excitement as that which I want to experience with another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relationship as an experience you have with another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define relationship in separation of myself here – realizing the relationship that I require to establish with with myself – as I am all as one as equal and thus all relationships I have within/as this world is within the starting point of my relationship with myself

I delete these definitions and stand clear within and as the word relationship – removing the polarity of positive charge and allow the word to be innocent without memories or beliefs or ideas within it that do not support me or what is best for all

3. New definition

a. Creative writing: Relationship – that which starts with myself. Relating to myself through getting to know myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – writing myself out to see the nature of myself and the relationship I thus have created as myself. And through this – starting within/as myself as the relationship of myself as Life – expanding myself to see myself as all as one as equal – relating to all as me – realizing all are me – equal and one. Realizing the relationship with self is the starting point from which I move. Relationship is then an interactions of beings/expression of Life, interrelating and sharing in reality with all beings/expression that are me, that are in relationship with/as me – realizing all are me and once I’ve cleared my relationship with myself – I have cleared my relationship with all as me here

b. Writing the definition:

New definition: Relationship – Self as Life - seeing self First within establishing self as equality and oneness as the breath as Life and thus relating to all parts of existence as me – realizing all are me and all are related to who I am, interconnected and interrelating.



4. Checking the definition

a. Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: no

b. Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: yes
c. Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means?
Answer: yes