05 March 2012

2012: How I lived the word 'stranger' - Facing/Forgiving/Correcting


I was going for a walk the other night. It was after 7 and the sun was already down. I do this every once and awhile.. but this time my experience was much different. I was full of fear. Immediately – as I started walking – I kept having thoughts about someone attacking me or hurting me or following me. I breathed through this knowing the experience was self created – but I’m going to investigate it further here.


As I was walking down one of the blocks – there was a car about 2 or 3 blocks ahead of me that stopped at the corner and just sat their idling. Immediately the thoughts came up, “they are waiting for me, what if they run out of the car after me, they are waiting for me to get closer to come after me…” because of these thoughts, I allowed myself to act out of fear and turn the corner so that I wouldn’t walk by them, instead I turned and walked away from them.


I know there is no reason for me to have such a fear – yet it has been programmed into me since a child. “Beware of strangers, don’t trust other people, never walk alone…” How fucked up we accept the world and each other to be untrustworthy – yet never considered why we are this way – why this exists in our world.
So as I kept walking – the thought became less and I breathed to keep myself here and not get caught up and lost in the mind of fear.

The fear was: Fear of being robbed
Fear of being attaked/physical harmed
Fear of being scared by someone coming after me
Fear of a group attacking me

So this fear is of being physically harmed and the terror I have about being attacked/chased after. This brings up a memory of when I was younger. Me and a friend were waiting for the school bus – and we noticed this van sitting kitty-corner from where we were and we got suspicious. So we walked towards the other end of the block to a) get a way from him and b) to see if we was watching/following us.

As we continued to walk, getting closer to the corner where our bus stop was, we noticed he turned the corner and started driving towards us. I remember telling people I saw him leaning towards the passanger side of his car, closer to us… but I don’t actually recall this happening. We just reacted out of fear of this van driving towards us, not knowing what his intentions were, or whether he even had any. So we just ran and hid behind someone’s house.

Later we were told there had been a van like the one we described driving suspiciously around the neighborhood and were told we did good in running away and telling our teachers/parents.

So – this is just showing the extent of fear of strangers that has been programmed – fear of walking alone, fear of what others might do – basically no trust within myself and my world – fearing others want to harm or hurt me. This is what my experience was while walking that night. Fear of being attacked, robbed, experienced the terror within that.

I also imagined myself running – if that were to happen, where I would run and wondering if I would get away.

SELF FORGIVENESS:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘someone is going to attack me’ with fear – and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear of a car parked with it’s lights on with the idea that they are going to attack me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘a car parked in idle at night with it’s lights on’ with fear and thus – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe a car parked at night with it’s lights on can only mean ‘no good’ – as in they are criminals and are looking to harm me

I Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being harmed/hurt by others based on seeing a car parked at night idly with it’s lights on

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a car parked idly is waiting for me to walk closer so that they can rob me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘a car parked idly is waiting for me to walk closer so that they can rob me’ and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe all persons and cars are looking for trouble at night and fear trouble coming to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear trouble from others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘trouble from others’ with fear and thus – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and accept this experience of fear within me and thus move myself physical within my world in a way to validate my fear as if it is real instead of realizing it was only within the mind of beliefs that I had allowed fear to exist
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my reality based on the illusionary reality of the mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to beware of strangers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the beliefs passed down through generations that ‘strangers are untrustworthy’ and that I should fear them harming me instead of stopping and realizing that this is unacceptable within a world – wherein we create fear and manifest fear because we accept the world to exist this way.

I do not accept this within myself – I will not allow myself to fear other people – as I realize all people are me, equal and one and thus I will not allow myself to fear myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect strangers with fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe other people are untrustworthy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear strangers as being untrustworthy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘strangers as being untrustworthy’ with fear and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear walking alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘walking alone’ with fear and thus – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear strangers, and not trusting others and walking alone because my parents told me this

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the beliefs and acceptance of past generations to guide and direct myself and my life instead of standing up and questioning what is being accepted and allowed and investigate if it is what is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I walk with another human being – I am less likely to be robbed or attacked

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear wlaking alone beause then I am more vulnerable to being robbed or attacked
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that walking alone means that I am more vulnerable to being robbed or attacked

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other human being attacking me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the physical pain of being attacked

I forgive for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘being attacked by other humans beings and the pain of being attacked’ with fear and thus – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the memory of being a child and being followed my a van with walking alone at night and seeing a car parked idly within fear of being attacked/harmed and not trusting people/strangers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the past of this memory keeping me trapped within fear of it happening again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the memory of fear – enslaving myself to fear as I walk my life and connecting who I am now and how I live now with what happened in the past as this memory of being followed by a van

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed my ego of fear with the memory of being a kid and being chased by a van
I delete this memory and it’s control over me wherein I accepted it to represent fear and kept it within my mind as a warning for me to stay in fear and allow fear to dictate my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within terror of the fear I have accepted and allowed within my life of how I have defined people I don’t know and the intentions of others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘people I don’t know and the not knowing of their intentions’ within fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other human beings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from other humans being through fearing them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘other human beings’ within fear and thus – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow the fear within myself when walking alone at night and seeing a car parked idly through participating in a future projections of how I would respond to being attacked – accepting this belief that I will be attacked and I cannot trust others and others want to harm me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe others want to harm me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow the fear within society based on the news and the stories of people being raped and murdered and robbed and beaten within and as myself without questioning why this is the way it is and seeing it for what it is – an outflow of the current economic system wherein we have separated ourselves from ourselves as life and as each other to the extent that we do not trust and harm each other




SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENTS:
When and as I see myself existing within fear based on ideas about other people and their intentions to/towards me – I stop and I breathe – realizing the fear is not real and it is only through what I Have been told through my life of what to believe that I believe I cannot trust others, so I stop, seeing all as me equal as one

When and as I see myself reacting within myself towards people and things in my reality within fear of what they might do to me – I stop and I breathe realizing this is based on past memories that are not here and no longer valid and so I stop and breathe – no longer accepting and allowing the past to direct me as I am here now

When and as I see myself participating in fear of other people and their intentions to/towards me I stop and I breathe realizing that just because society accepts fear within itself does not mean I have to, as I am in this world not of it and thus I do not accept and allow fear of others based on the news and storys of people being harmed to direct me and believe this will happen to me – instead I see within it why this exists and live a solution that is best for all – where we stop fear of each other and start living responsibly wherein we will no longer harm each other

When and as I see myself projecting into the future of possible play outs of how I can respond/ act out of Fear – I STOP and breathe and do not accept this of myself as I see my starting point for moving myself is within an acceptance of fear of something that is only created in the mind and is thus not real

When and as I see myself separating myself from others as me through fearing their intentions or having ideas about what they are doing – I stop and I breathe – realizing all are me and thus I stop fear of myself and take responsibility for what this world has become realizing it is through my own participation within fear that I Have created fear to manifest in this world. SO I stop – I breathe and stand equal and one with all without fear, as it’s silly to fear myself as I am able to direct myself and trust myself to do what is best for all

Procedure for Re-Defining a Word

STRANGERS


1. Gathering information:

d. Establishing self’s allocation point – other human beings that I do not know and do not know their intentions – people I fear, as I do not know them, people unfamiliar to me, people who I cross in my life but do not talk to nor do I know, human beings I should and do not trust, as I do not know their intentions and automatically believe they have deceptive intentions to harm me


b. Dictionary Definition –
v noun
1.
a person with whom one has had no personal acquaintance:He is a perfect stranger to me.
2.
a newcomer in a place or locality: a stranger in town.
3.
an outsider: They want no strangers in on the club meetings.
4.
a person who is unacquainted with or unaccustomed to something (usually followed by to ): He is no stranger to poverty.
5.
a person who is not a member of the family, group,community, or the like, as a visitor or guest: Our town shows hospitality to strangers.

e. Sounding the word – strangers… stran gers… strain hers…. String hers… straining the her… sssss train her


2. Investigate the information of the word that has been gathered

Does the definition within the different aspects that you have gathered as information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)?

This can be determined by looking at:
• Your own personal experience with this word strangers has existed within me as separation – where I separate myself from ‘strangers’ as they are people/persons I do not know and do not trust, or shouldn’t trust – as they are ‘unkown’. Strangers are people I should not talk to or get to know – they are ‘outsiders’ as I can see this acceptance/definition is within me while reading the dictionary definition of the word. In the sounding of the word – I can see how I live it is as straining me and training me – to fear and exist as fear – depleting myself within fear and trainging myself to be a good little follower of fear because I was told to accept the belief that people I don’t know are strangers and should not trust them nor talk to them.
• How you have interpreted the word as ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’ Negative – strangers has a negative charge to it – wherein I see them as ‘bad people’ I cannot trust and fear what they will do to me/what their intentions are towards me – and so obviously separating myself from them, not realizing they are me as all are me
• What associations do you have with the word? Memory of being with a friend at the bus stop, and a van, which we believed, was following us – with intentions we could only speculate. So this memory of validating that ‘strangers’ are bad – and should be avoided and to fear as they will do things I cannot trust and will harm me
• Do you feel better or worse when you are using or experiencing this word? Worse – experience is within fear as this word

Self Forgiveness on the word

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word stranger/strangers
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word stranger as negative
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define stranger as people I do not know and cannot trust
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word stranger as someone with bad intentions to harm me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow the beliefs of my parents and past generartions of the word stranger to be those that are separate from me that I should exist in relation to out of fear of them harming me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself ot ebleive I have to protect myself from ‘strangers’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word stranger separate from me here within the mind as a memory of being followed my a van with unknown intentions when I was a kid
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to fear people I do not know
If orgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define strangers as bad people I cannot trust
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe strangers are people who want to harm me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience the word stranger within fear based on what I was told as a child that I should not talk to strangers because they want to hurt/harm me

I delete these definitions and stand clear within and as the word stranger – removing the polarity of negative charge and allow the word to be innocent without memories or beliefs or ideas within it that do not support me or what is best for all

3. New definition

a. Creative writing: Strangers – I can see this word coming to extinction once equality and oneness in manifested within humanity – as there will be no such thing as a ‘stranger’ as all will be ‘familiar’ as we will live as the family of humanity – the family of life. I can also see how I lived within the word strangers – I was strainging myself within fear – fear of others that I did not know and fearing their intentions to/towards me – and realizing that within equality and oneness lived as myself as all as me – there will be no straining within fear of others intentions – as we will have human being living self responsibility and self trust and from this harm against each other will not be possible – as we will see each other as ourselves. Strangers for the moment exists and so I change the definition to be that that supports what is best for all – instead of allowing it to be a state of fear I allow within myself.

b. Writing the definition:

New definition: Stranger
Someone I have not met or know personally – yet see within the realization that all are me – all are equal and one



4. Checking the definition

a. Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: no

b. Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: yes

c. Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means?
Answer: yes