28 February 2012

2012: Fear of Criticism: Facing/Forgiving/Correcting

Writing:
We are to stand in the store and start talking to people when they come in or when they are there – just start talking to them about the water – get them to watch a short video and do a demonstration and then ask if they want to do the 2 week free trial of water.

J asked me to show him what I was going to say – I said no, I will just do it. I was scared to do it in front of him – and I have had this experience in my past – where I believe I am more fearful of showing people I know a specific personality – or when I am ‘on’ then some random stranger.

SO this is a value point – valuing people I know more than people I know now.

Because I believe I wont be as scared. Because the people that know me – ‘know me’ apparently –and really it’s like I am acting, putting on a show, a presentation – and that makes me nervous. For the people that I know –what if they have something critical to say? – This is the thoughts that go on in my head – it’s like an extreme resistance where I literally don’t want to move. I’m afraid they will judge me, or think I’m not doing it well – afraid that I will be exposed as not knowing anything and not good enough.

But even while in the store yesterday – there were people I could have spoken to – and J said, go ahead – but I refused. I just couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say – I was afraid. Afraid people would be bothered by me – believing that I was bothering them. Believing they don’t want to hear what I have to say – they will think I am crazy.

In general – I would say that I am able to communicate with people – but within sales – when I am trying to get someone to buy something, I feel nervous.

Specifically it has to do when someone is not approaching me about a product – I am approaching them, and I have to be the one to direct the questions – and I’m afraid I will forget the strategies and afraid that I won’t be able to improv in the moment. Afraid I will say too much or too little. Afraid they will think I am weird.

In the past – I was like this. I never actually wanted to act – I never liked being in front of a crowd – or having to ‘put on a show’ – class presentations also scared me. This last semester – I was scared about standing up in front of the class – but I pushed myself to do it anyway.

I guess really I just have to face my fear. And stop placing value on those that I know personally then those that I don’t know, that are strangers to me – and BE EQUAL with everyone and all people.

SELF FORGIVENESS:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear practicing presenting the water to people I know like j and j2 because I believe they will judge me and criticize me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘practicing presenting the water to people I know like J and J2’ within fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define being criticized as me being bad

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being bad in the eyes of others as critizism

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘being bad in the eyes of others’ with fear, and thus – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being criticized

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘being criticized’ with fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe people I know are more important than people I don’t know and thus fear exposing myself to those I know differently then how they know me and within this fear they will not like me – make fun of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘exposing myself to those I know differently then how they know me’ with fear and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to be a different personality when presenting a product to someone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the idea of myself as personality that I fear losing when presenting a demo to someone I know

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect
‘losing the personality I define myself as when presenting a demo’ with fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present myself as a personality to people in my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the personality I have defined myself as

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a personality – realizing this limits me in the moment of self expression as then I am unable to express anything of myself – and believe I Have to only be the personality I created/designed of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within a personality of myself that is not real


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define people I don’t know as less valuable as then I am not within fear when having to speak to them because they do not know me and I can be anyone I want to be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe people who don’t know me will less likely judge me because they don’t have a memory of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support others within identifying me as a memory of personality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear presenting a product to a customer

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘presenting a product to a customer’ with fear and thus – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear starting a conversation about the water with someone at n city

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘starting a conversation with someone at n city’ with fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am bothering people when I start talking about the water to them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a bother to someone when I talk about the water

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘being a bother to someone when I talk about the water’ with fear and thus – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people thinking I am weird for talking to them about the water

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘people thinking I am weird for talking to them about the water’ with fear – and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the fear of communicating with customers at n city about the water

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sales people as bothersome
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge sales people for only talking to people so that they can sell a product and make money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge those that are within sales as greedy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a sales person that others will judge as being bothersome because I have defined sales man as that

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘being a bothersome sales person’ with fear and thus – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear talking about the water and presenting it to others and within this defining it as like being ‘on a show’ where I have to ‘play a part’ that I fear they will not like or that I am not doing it well

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘talking about the water and presenting it to others as being ‘on show’ where I have to ‘play a part’ that they will not like or that I don’t do well’ with fear – and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself that I Havent yet allowed myself to express myself unconditionally in every moment of being here as the breath – realizing this is who I really am and anything else is a limitation I am accepting and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within a prison of personality instead of realizing my expression of myself can be self willed and expansive and unconditionally here – ever changing and ever stable.

SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENTS:
When and as I see myself fearing to present a demo to someone I know – I stop and I breathe – realizing they are equal to me and thus I do not have to present myself in a way I believe is acceptable to them – I am able to express myself in the moment, trusting myself to express in ways that others can understand and relate as I am then in the moment of what is here – what needs to be said and what needs to be expressed – open and unconditionally

When and as I see myself fearing speaking to others I don’t know or approaching others about the water – I stop and breathe to check to see if I am judging myself as being limited in the definition of being a sales person – instead of allowing myself to be here in self expression through/as expressing what I know to be of benefit of the water – sharing with them, and educating them – not pushing or forcing anything

When and as I see myself inmoveable within fear – I stop and I breathe, bringing myself back here in clearing any points that arise that I allow to direct me – realizing I am equal and one with all and thus I am only fearing myself – so I stop and breathe – not allowing to fear myself and thus allow myself to be here in the moment of self expression and self trust
When and as I see myself protecting myself as a personality – I stop and breathe in realizing that the personality is a limited prison and so I stop and push through and allowing unconditional self expression in every moment of/as breath

I stop fear – realizing fear is self created. I created it and thus I STOP IT.




Procedure for Re-Defining a Word

CRITICISM


1. Gathering information:

a. Establishing self’s allocation point – others defining me as doing something bad – judging me for not being good enough, doing something wrong. Other’s opinions of me that they express to me, feelings of unworthiness, not doing something right.

b. Dictionary Definition –
verb (used with object)
1.
to censure or find fault with.
2.
to judge or discuss the merits and faults of: to criticize threenovels in one review.

b. Sounding the word – Criticize… critic cries… quit it size, cry to size, correct it’s size, correct the I’s


2. Investigate the information of the word that has been gathered

Does the definition within the different aspects that you have gathered as information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)?

This can be determined by looking at:
• Your own personal experience with this word it exists as mostly an experience of it – fear of being criticized within how others define/judge/see me. Created to be out of proportion where I don’t see it as something I can use to support/expand myself, but only as fear of others seeing me in a certain way, and thus defining that/myself as being bad, unacceptable, doing the wrong thing, unworthy
• How you have interpreted the word as ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’ Criticized as being negative = I’ve done something wrong/the wrong way, and now another will tell me how I’ve done it wrong
• What associations do you have with the word? Mostly memories of hearing the word, ‘constructive criticism’ where I do something, and someone gives me feedback, but I always take it ‘negatively’ wherein I then judge myself for doing it ‘wrong’ and feel bad about it. Criticism is also like opinions others have of you – their thoughts/perceptions of you
• Do you feel better or worse when you are using or experiencing this word? Worse

Self Forgiveness on the word
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word criticism within the polarity of positive/negative as being negative

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word criticism as others having to tell me that what I’m doing/what I’ve done is bad

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word criticism as being something done to me and thus victimizing myself within the word

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a victim within the word criticized

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe other’s criticism of me is always based on their perceptions of me and thus fear them having a negative perception of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others perceptions of me to be negative

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘others perceptions of me to be negative’ with fear – and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define criticism as others judging me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for others criticism of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe if I receive criticism from others it’s goin to be bad

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word criticism within memories of being in school and getting constructive criticism from others and judging myself within it believing I was doing something wrong/bad

I delete these memories and definitions of the word criticism and I clear myself within the word – allowing myself to redefine myself as the living word – living the definition of all words equal to me/as me as what is best for all

3. New definition

a. Creative writing: Criticism I can see within self honesty means to correct the I’s/ to correct self through feedback from self and others that assists and support one to become self honesty as the self directive power within one’s world and reality. Criticism is the correcting of the I – the I that is here walking this physical life – facing all accepting self definitions and utilizing feedback from others to support self in the process. To take what one does/says/lives – and correct in ways that are best for all - using suggestions and others as examples of how to change self, correct self, expand self.

b. Writing the definition:

New definition: Criticize
Criticize is to take what is here and examine it within self honesty through self or others in ways that one can see where correction is required. To change self through self or others to become self honest and the directive power of self, through learning what has been done and changing it to how it can be the best – best for all – best for self.



4. Checking the definition

a. Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: no

b. Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: yes

c. Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means?
Answer: yes