13 April 2011

Day 11 - Change is Possible

Day 11

So interesting to see today. Slowing myself as breath - being able to see who I am in each moment. What I found today, just a few moments ago actually - was this 'desire' to make a big deal out of something - more specifically I was attempting to 'make a point' within my agreement.

It was like I was 'wanting' to or pretending or attempting to create a point within my partner - and then try and discuss this point with him - as if I was concerned. Yet actually - what I was doing was attemtping to exist witihin limitation and pettyness and jealousy and insecurities - but through breathing and being here - I, in self honesty, just couldn't. It wasn't a big deal -

Hmm.. more specifically, the experience was like I wanted to replay who I've been in the past - seeing the potential to create a situation/drama, because this is what I usually do in the past, become annoyed within my relationship, and wanting to blame the other person for making me feel a certain way, or blame them for an idea I would have about him and someone else. But, even though there was this 'desire' to do this was there, I just couldn't bring myself to do this. I didn't see the 'point'. It was irrelevant, and saw how it was useless.

It was cool to see how I have changed, because in the past, I would have so easily created a huge problem between me and my partner. Crying, kicking and screaming.. yet, I just couldn't bring myself to play this out - because I know it's self dishonest and would have only been abusing myself.

So cool to see there has been change. And breathing assists in slowing down to see ourselves in moments where we would otherwise just 'move' without consideration.