23 March 2011

It's up to Us

Day 9

And we continue.

And I 'feel' unstable.

And the reason.. no breathing.. only thinking.

This creates unstability within myself. Because I'm not here, I am 'there' within my mind, within self interest, within fear, and anger, and jealousy, and pictures, and thoughts, and voices and judgments and opinions and words and...

and is it worth it?

No. It's never worth it, because once I bring myself back 'here', back to myself as the breath, I can experience within myself separation. I experience a lostness where I become overwhelmed or hopeless or whatever it is.

It's not a directive action - it is a giving up on Self - on Life.

Existing within the Mind is disregarding that which is Real. That which keeps me alive - that which allows me to Live - that which is me as Life.

That is Self Honesty.

So, it's either being Self Deceptive, disregarding ourselves as Life, existing within our Mind as thoughts and memories and projections of the future - a Separate Reality where only the the Interest of Self is Considered.

I do not accept this of myself. I tell myself, 'its hard to be aware every moment' but this is just an excuse to not take responsibility. Because all it takes is a breath. In and out. This is where I am as awareness. And when I'm not aware of myself - I participate in things I know do not support myself or others or Life here Equally.

Today I participate in much of myself as the Mind. Communicating with others without awareness at all. 'Going with the flow' of the conversation - and the conversation is always the same.

We as humans talk shit. That's all we talk about. We do not consider ourselves or eachothers. We are in a constant state of war with eachother. Name calling and point out what others are doing wrong, and seeing only the shit we refuse to take responsibility for in ourselves.

And I'm tired of this. And I'm tired of participating. Because this takes energy. Specifically- it takes Energy from the Physical - and then we have the result we can see in the World. Over consumption and abuse and war and starvation and Life not being lived with Dignity.

So reminding myself this is why I am walking this Process. This is why I breath. This is why I stop. This is why I consider who I am and the words I speak and the values I hold, and I have to ask myself - is it worth it?

Am I willing to allow myself and this world to continue as it does - existing the same and expecting different results? That is the definition of insanity. Madness.

It's not Worth it. Life is worthy - and we have not honored ourselves as Life... yet. Time to start, because we are the Only Ones that can Change ourselves and we are the Only Ones that can change this World.

And we do this through Practical Applications - Real Solutions. Breathing. Writing ourselves out. Forgiving ourselves, Stopping and Changing. This is our only option. This is what is Best for All.

So Patients with Self, but persistence with Self to Start over. Every Moment. Here.