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Showing posts from 2011

2011: "You are the Reason I feel this way" - WTF?

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
~ Maya Angelou

I'm here to suggest that Maya Angelou is mistaken... as there is no consideration of self and responsibility. To say that 'someone made me feel this way' is saying, 'it's their fault that I experience myself the way that I do'. Its like taking things personally - and that is always ego. And ego is evil as it exist in self interest and that self is 'never wrong'. Or that we have no control on how others 'make' us feel.

I know this is crap because to say that someone 'makes' you feel a certain way just expose our nature of being slaves. Slaves to each other, to our emotions and feelings - slaves to our thoughts and judgments and blame. We are slaves in not taking self responsibility for what Exists within OURSELVES - because we accept we have no control. There is not direction of ourselve…

Education/School - Just do It

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I just finished my first of two finals for the first semester at college. This is actually my second attempt of achieving a 'higher education' - yet something is different this time. Me. I am different. The school and the classes are the same - yet who I am within the school and classes has changed.

When I made my first attempt at school 2 years ago - it was within the starting point of 'this is what I Have to do'. "I'm not doing anything so why not" "I feel bad about myself, I graduated 7 years ago - what am I doing with my Life." It was a decision made out of fear - fear of failing - of not 'doing what I'm suppose to do' - it was within wanting to 'be better'. I was full of reasons for going back to school - and none were within self honesty or best for all interest. It was based in self interest, self image and all things dishonest. After just a month of classes - I was accepting and allowing all sorts of thoughts of reas…

The child without Food needs the Word of God?

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"I woke up hungry this morning so I read the word of god and was satisfied" Let us now as(k) a child or half the pollution that goes without food daily to do the same. Their bodies decaying from malnutrition while the rest of the population are blinded in ignorance of beliefs that only satisfy the protection of self interest. How can we exist in a World where we allow a God to be our 'filler' - an imaginary 'father' that promises a life of eternal peace, just so long as we ignore what is real in matter in our attempts to not take responsibility for what the world actually is. This God we believe to 'fill us up' by his words in some book - does not actually feed the hungry, save the poor, protect the innocent. Instead this God fills us with fear of burning forever if we are not his perfect little slaves spreading this deceit to the rest of the World. God is not the Solution - as Jesus said, Give unto another what you would like to Receive. D…

Religion and Spirituality - One and the Same?

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"We must stop confusing religion and spirituality. Religion is a set of rules, regulations and rituals created by humans, which was suppose to help people grow spiritually. Due to human imperfection religion has become corrupt, political, divisive and a tool for power struggle. Spirituality is not theology or ideology. It is simply a way of life, pure and original as was given by the Most High of Creation. Spirituality is a network linking us to the Most High, the universe, and each other…" Let's take a Self Honest look at what is being Said here and find a way to Consider it where it Considers what is Best for All... In the first part of this statement - the Person is exposing how Religion has become a Means to Control and enslave People - due to Humanity's "Imperfection" Then - the person goes on to explain how Spirituality is 'better' then Religion because apparently it is a 'way of life' given by 'the Most High of Creation'.…

"If it's Meant to Be..." a Pre-programmed Existence

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"Don’t worry, just breathe – If it is meant to be, it will find its way" This statement is all to familiar with me. You might have heard it in various ways - like, "Just go with the flow", or "if it's meant to be, it will be". Such statements and beliefs exist within the implication of a force outside of ourselves - guiding and directing and 'taken care of' everything for us. This statement also implies preprogramming - a predetermined destination that has already been created, and that we are just in it for the ride, and to just sit back and go along with whatever will come. I use to tell this to myself a lot. Relax, if it is suppose to happen, it will happen. It's what I told myself to re assure myself that 'everything is ok' - a way I used to keep myself content with my world and my reality, trusting in some higher force at play that will in the end provide for me that which I need. Then I found Desteni - and the self reali…

Stop giving yourself the Excuse, "Nobody is Perfect"

There is this saying I have heard my whole life. "Nobody is perfect" And this statement is usually spoken wherein someone makes a mistake. Or becomes emotional, or does something they regret or are reactive to/towards. It's like, shit, I fucked this up, but it's ok, nobody is perfect. It's this acceptance that, nope, we are not perfect. We are flawed. And we accept that of ourselves. We don't believe we can stop accepting such a self limitation. Because really, it is self defeat. It says, I am not perfect. I was made imperfect. Therefore I have this statement to blame or to 'give up' my self responsibility for my thoughts, words and deeds. Simply, because "Nobody is perfect" If no one is perfect, then I don't have to be perfect. I can exist like everyone else. I can accept imperfection within this World. The environment is being destroyed by humans for profit and power? Well, "Nobody is Perfect" The child got sold into…

The Secret to Changing the World - One Vlog at a Time

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My Trip to the Desteni Farm

It's been almost 2 years since I have started participating with Desteni. For anyone who doesn't know who/what Desteni is - it is a Group of Individuals Coming together within this World, within the Principle of Equality and Oneness. We, as a Group, Stand Up and Stand for and Stand as Life. We consider that what currently exists as the expression of Humanity on Earth.... is definitely not what it could be. There is much suffering, much pain. There is abuse and war and exploitation. There is rape and murder and no trust between humans. There is the illusion of Love and the charade of Life upheld with an imaginary toy. Money. So together, We Destonians, come together to look at ways to change the current Human Experience. As we realize we are the Creators. We, as a Group, as a Whole, have accepted and allowed what exists on Earth to be what is It. Therefore it's up to us to change it. And so we first look at who we are, within ourselves, and apply tools of practical change, …

Process Support: Manipulating Dishonesty with Strangers Part 2

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Process Support: Manipulating Dishonesty with Strangers

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Are you Waiting for the Showering of the Universe?

"The more that I appreciate and show gratitude, the more the Universe showers on me." This is an age old lie - that is perpetuated in many different forms. Through Christianity, within the Belief, if I give myself to a 'savior' I will be 'saved'. More Recently it has been presented within the Secret and the 'Law of Attraction'. Abraham Hicks - and many other channels sells this stuff to keep people blind and bind to their ignorance. Simply - within this Statement, stand in the shoes of another. How about another this exists in Poverty, in a society without Money - where they have to scrap and sell themselves to feed themselves. Would this statement Apply to them? So, Standing EQUAL as a child in Africa, that is one of millions without food or clean water, can I say to myself - "The more I appreciate and how Gratitude, the more the Universe showers on Me" First I would say - what the Hell am I to be grateful for? For this suffering? Fo…

Responding to "The Mind is not the Enemy"

Here is a response I made to a youtube user sharing the perspective that, although he agrees with the Point of Equality - he did not agree with, what he claims to be what desteni says, "the Mind is the Enemy" Here is what he wrote: Hey You're a great person, thanks for being my friend. Just wanted to share my perspective on Desteni with you and see what you think. I stumbled upon videos made by Desteni Productions about a year ago and I was really intrigued. They have some very unique perspectives. They stumbled upon some interesting information, but I'm not sure they know what they have stumbled upon or how to work with it properly. I like that they bring everything back to the Self. It's true: everything is about the Self. So, that's a correct/true point that Desteni makes. They also stand for Equality for All, which is great. Equality is an important point. I admire them for that. However, one of Desteni's main points is to negate or "bypa…

Breathing and Meditation - is there a Difference?

What is the difference between Breathing and Meditating? One might say - nothing, they are one and the same. Are they? What is Meditation? When I first began practicing meditation - it was because I had read that it was a way to 'calm the mind'. To become centered and silent within. I also learned about through psychic development classes I had taken (LOL - sounds silly to me now!). We were taught to focus on our breathing, to take deep breaths and to just quiet this mind. This would then allow for us to become 'in-tune' with our bodies, and be able to open ourselves up to a 'higher realm', or whatever term you want to use. It was suggested to allow the thoughts to pass like clouds in the sky - seeing them, but not reacting to them, or not following them. To just remain with the breath. It was a cool exorcise at the time, however, realizing what I have now realized about the Mind - I see it was not an actual solution and did not address the truth about the …

Im a Destonian

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We don't need God when there is Equality

Why do we believe in God? In a form 'higher then ourselves'? A power greater then us?

All people believe in some from of
greater being. Why? Why do we allow this?

Is it Hope that theres something better for us - that this LIfe is just temporary - it's not real, that the real life is with god in the 'afterlife'?

Why do we accept this belief? This lie that we make up in our minds. Maybe if we lived in a world where there was no need to survive, all was given for LIfe - such as food and water and shelter. If we lived in a System that supported EveryONE to be Here equally - where it didn't matter where you are from or how much money you have or dont have.

The simple fact that You are HERE - gives you a right to LIFE. To live. To be provided for.

If we lived in such a world - we would not need a belief in a god - of something greater - of a mystery we are trying to solve... wiating to see who is right and just holding on till we find out.

We would be LIVING Here…

There are many Breaths in just 1 Day

Breathe in.... Breathe out.

Today was cool and allowed me to realize something cool about myself.

Over a year ago - I would be one that would wake up quick - go to work - come home, exhausted, end up taking a 'nap' which would last at least 3 or 4 hours, and then end up watching tv, or going out to the bars or trying to find something to do to 'fiil' in my time.

Today - this is not who I am anymore. Today I have a reason and a purpose to do what I do. I no more see the reason or purpose to just 'move' through my day, attempting to find things to fill the gap. Today I actually feel llke I'm living.

I worked this morning - and when I got home, I saw there were things that needed to get done.
Grocery shopping. Check. Since I've moved - I have wanted to start a compost pile. So - instead of continuously telling myself that, "I will do that... soon", I just did it. What better time then the present. So - cleaned it out and got it prepared for …

Can you Lead?

So an interesting point came up today while I was at work.

Currently - I work as a server in a restaurant. There was 8 other people serving with me tonight, yet I was a 'closer'. So I was in one of the sections that stays on till close. It is a 'leadership' role - that entails ensuring all work is completed - during and after the shift, well in regards to stocking supplies we needs during the shift, and at the end of the night, making sure the place looks nice and ready for the next day.

Well - we have recently added new 'running side work' for everyone during the shift. We all get placed on a board and are assigned to a specific task throughout the night. For example, one person will keep the ice bins full all night, another will make sure cups are stock, another will stock plates and silverware, and etc. My name was not on the board - and neither was the other closer. So I was like, what am I suppose to do?

Apparently - the closers 'job' is to ensure…

We Write

Having let go of this writing process - for no other reason but excuses, I wanted to bring myself back here, push and remind myself Why I am Here. (as writing these blogs).

It is simple.

It is too easy to get lost in the World - through what we are shown on television and the media, and in through social circles and just everyday life. We are constantly told who to be, how to act, what is acceptable and what is not.

I myself, as a Member of Desteni - group of Individuals coming together to bring about Real Change for All in this World, apply specific tools to 'correct' ourselves. Because as we can see - as this Whole World is showing us - we have failed. No - no judgments - yet Self is required to take Responsibility.

So why do we write? We write to expose ourselves. We write to expose this World. We write to see who we are as the WORDS we speak - think - live. TO see if they are in fact worthy of LIfe - Equal as LIfe - here. We write to support ourselves. We write to support…

Breathe, Live, Forgive, Let Go

We have 2 choices in every moment - every moment we breathe.

We either continue to carry the weight of the past, use it as a way to carry anger and hate and prejudices and excuses...

Or we Stand Up, take a Breath and Realize every moment is New and deserves the right to be new. To be free. To be without the burdens of the past.

To perpetuate the same - or Start a new.

To hide in blame - or to breathe, Live Forgive and Let go.

Give yourself the Gift of Life.

Allow yourself to Let go.

Forgiveness, SELF Forgiveness is the Only Way.

Give yourself Back to yourself.

www.desteniiprocess.com - the Solution to Self
www.equamoney.org - the Solution to the World

www.desteni.co.za - take the Red Pill

Time FORgiveness

I feel like there is so much to do and not enough time to do it.

Time is a point for me

I always feel like I’m running out of time

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am running out of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as time

I forgive myself that I haven’t yet allowed myself to realize myself here as timeless

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear time

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is not enough time to do all the things I would like to do

I forgive myself that iH ave accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from moments in time within fear that I am wasting time

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can waste time

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself here as time equal and one within thoughts of wasting time

I stop fearing time

I…

Desteni USA Meets in TX

SO this weekend was the Desteni America Meeting.

It was a very cool experience being with others that are Standing and applying and Living the Same Principles, and who are going through the same points. AND being around others willing to open up and share what it is that's being experienced, without fear was so cool. Much support was offered this weekend, not with the intentional offering of support - but just by communicating and sharing one's experience, I was able to relate to a lot of what was said, and assisted me in realizing it's not just me going through points within myself - I'm not the only one 'facing myself'.

We all have a secret world within ourselves/as our Minds - it's just whether we are willing to expose it to ourselves and others. So it was cool to hear others stories of what they have gone through, what experiences they have in relation to reactions and points that come up and to realize that I'm not alone. And there is no reason fo…

Set Yourself Free - Write Yourself Out

Writing Yourself TO Freedom

What is This? What does it imply and how does it work?

Writing yourself to freedom is as simply as it sounds. Writing out oneself to self - looking as who oneself is in fact, as thoughts feelings and emotions. It's having a conversation with oneself - but a self directive conversation exposing to oneself what is allowed within the inner and outer reality of self.

It's a tool used within those Walking with Desteni - to investigate who one is in this Reality. What thoughts self participates within - what ideas and beliefs self hold. Who Self is in relation to everything else that is Here.

Through writing it out - we are able then to see Who we are. To get to freedom - This takes Self Honesty. Self Honesty is to be able to honestly look at what thoughts we carry - what judgments we hold - what perceptions we believe in and give power to.

For me - It has supported me in 'letting go' of the shit that mulls around in my head. Thoughts that I all…

Process Update - Standing Up for Self Honesty

Process Update

I have faced many challenges within my agreement - ones that have pushed me to consider what is means to be Self Honest - and to Stand Up to What is Best for All.

I have always considered myself to be 'passive'. Which I can see has only been me within supression - in not wanting to Stand up for myself or my self honesty.

Finally - I was placed within a position where my self honesty was challeneged. And while it was 'easier' to be passive and 'go with the flow' - I was only supression myself and allowing abuse within myself and another. I then said No more. I cannot deny myself the right to Self Honesty. I saw a point of deception within me and another - and despite the outcome, I had to Stand Up. Without Fear, I stand Up. And the outcome was unaccepted. It allowed another the support I was offering myself. Equal and One.

When one supports oneself to Change - Support for others exist as well.

When one pushes oneself to be more then has been ac…

"Heaven is a Fairytale for those Afraid of the Dark"

This statement was recently made in an interview by Stephen Hawkins - a physicist.

He goes on to say that the Human brain is simply a computer and that when the components run out - it shuts down. "There is no heaven or afterlife for a browkdown computer"

Which is fascinating - if one have a Self Honest look at how we as Humans 'operate'. We are machines, programmed and condition to have a specific perspective, which we believe is our 'uniqueness' - yet we are merely copies of DNA transferred from past generations.

More specifically - this idea that there is a Heaven - a place 'waiting for us' for when we die.

This would imply we are not satisfied with where we are now. And the fact that Death exists - we desire to explain the purpose and reason of LIfe and why we are Here.

Suppose we would not have to do this - if Life was actually Lived and not just the Fear of Survival. Currently - this is how we experience ourselves, whether we have acknowledge…

The 13th Floor

Today, while working a job - I was taken to an office building with 16 floors. I was going to the top. While on the ride upwards - I noticed that the floors went from 12 to 14. Hmm.. where was the 13th floor? Immediately - I assumed it was because of this black cloud that hangs over the number 13 - but thought no way this is actually why there is no 13th floor. Perhaps it's a mechanical floor?

On my way down - there were 2 other women with me in the elevator. I asked them why they thought there was not a 13th floor available for access. They told me - superstitions. Apparently it's common for buildings with more then 13 floors to 'skip' the 13th floor.

Seriously? So I did a little research and found out that this has been an accepted 'norm' since the early 1940s. Because of this superstitions about the number 13 being unlucky - tenants will either skip allowing this floor to be accessed, use it as a mechanical floor - or will label it Floor M.

Anyone else see t…

Honesty vs Self Honesty

What is the difference? Besides one has the word Self with it.

This is the difference - one is Self - the other, is the person we pretend to be. The personality we were taught to be. Our apparent uniqueness.

Honesty is telling someone the 'truth' because you fear the consequences if you don't.

Self Honesty - is seeing the 'starting point' for 'why' you are wanting to tell the truth - and knowing that if you are doing it our of fear.

Honesty is something that it taught - something that is told as being 'right'.

Self Honesty - is see what is actually Here - without judgment. Without creating a polarity by saying some is right - or something is wrong.

Self Honesty is an expression - a Living Statement of Self. Which is birthed from knowing thyself.

Honesty - is within Morality - by what society says to be 'right or wrong'.

Self Honesty - is Seeing the truth of ourselves. Of asking ourselves why we do what we do. Why we believe what we believe. …

Positive Seekers are the Real Decievers

I know first hand. As I once gave myself up to just another Belief System of this World.

The Secret is - 'The Secret' has been around for centuries - yet this time it is packaged in a nice colored bundle that makes you think your getting a taste of something so grand.

It is a Grand Deception.

The Law of Attraction - Positive Thinking - Creating through Visualisation - is all part of the same trap to keep you exising in Self Interest.

When I first came across the whole idea of Law of Attraction - I was in a position of looking for the Meaning to Life - the Meaning to my existence. I wanted to know the purpose and reason for me being here - and how come it's 'so hard'. The Secret gave me all I wanted. It suggested that I could create a Reality that is Best for Me. That if I changed my thinking - and my attitude - and thought enough about something then I would 'attract' it into my Reality. I would be 'creating' this. Yet - here we can see that 'at…

Day 21 - Getting to know my Worth

Day 21 - and as I say, "It's my day 21 - I can't believe I made it" - just goes to show how much I never really trusted myself or pushed myself to do what I say I will do - or believe in myself enough to know I can - I am able - and I can will myself.

The Mind - as it exists - only judges. Observes and places it's opinion. Always has a 'back chat' - I thought or idea or picture or association for anything and all things within it's Reality. As I saw myself today, in constant judgment of myself and others. I breathe yes, to stop myself, yet, why are they even here? Why have I created this of myself? Because I have believed this voice in my head to be real - to be who I am - then am I not responsible for what those thoughts are specifically - what they consist of and how they are directed.

This is Standing Equal and One as the Mind. Taking Responsibility for what exists within me - because here is where Self takes back the Power to actually change Self.

Day 20 - Writing is

The moment I allow myself to write down what it is my mind is ‘racing’ about – and going over and over again – I experience release – and relief. 
It’s like the moment goes from tense and almost a sense of ‘too much’- to emptiness.
Writing, self honestly – what one is experiencing – is allowing self to let go. It’s a way of freeing self from what self carrys as extra weight. It’s a way to see self – self intimacy.
Writing allows me to get out what I believe is too much for me to handle.
Writing is me pushing myself to change me.
Writing is knowing that if I allow myself to see myself as the words that I write – then I am able to change myself.
Writing is taking back power. Writing is being here.
Writing is directing self to become clear.
Write yourself out – Writing yourself to freedom. I mean – it’s specific in the words.
There is much freedom is writing – as you place onto paper/computer the things that exist within you. The things that seems to ‘be so much more’ then they really are, b…

Day 19 - Forgive and Let go

Day 19

Today.. was a day.

Supression day.

I wanted to smoke - and the thought kept coming up. I kept telling myself, just one, I will enjoy it - yet I have 'told' myself this before - and it always turns out the same. It does NOT taste good - and I end up 'wishing' I wouldn't let my thoughts direct me. And the thought kept coming up - and as much as I 'wanted' it give in - I didn't. I say no.

Which is cool - but then, I ended up going home between work - and sleeping. Then eating - but not as a point of physical support - it was to 'fill me up'.

Obviously I can see that whatever I wanted to suppress with the smoking - I instead used sleeping and eating to do instead.

And what is here - why did I allow this - what am I not wanting to face? Well, I can see there was some things I needed to take care of today - things on the 'to do' list. BUt I don't think this is what I was not wanting to face.

Simple responsibilities. Dealing with th…

Day 18 - After All - It's about Self

Day 18

Just when you 'think' its the most difficult point...

Just when you 'think' it's too much...

Just when you 'think' you've had enough...

Just when you 'think' it's over...

Just' when you you believe something about the situation/the person/the reality - You discover, you were wrong. And that you were making it all up in your head. And you Realize... it's the 'breaking point' - the point we want to give up - is where We find the clarity - the freedom - the communication - the truth. Here is where we see for Real.

So don't give up.

Another point;

Just because I am not deliberately doing something - the inaction says it all.

"I forgot" is no longer a valid excuse - as I am not even aware of how I am deliberately deceiving myself.

Not intentionally putting things off - yet when I look closer, all I see is fear around these points. Another way to hide from myself. Which I no longer accept.

Just do it.

Get it do…

Day 17 - There's a Will - there's a Way

Day 17

The Challenge - Facing Self  and taking Responsibility for what you see.

THis seeing is given by you or another. Yet the truth is before you.

Accepting what you see as the truth of Yourself- this is the most difficult.

Yet to take the response ability - is setting yourself free. It is taken the power.

But wow - is it hard.

What I have to face about myself = the truth of myself - I don't know how to communicate. I only know how to defend myself. My point - in fear of being 'wrong'. As a way to protect myself. My wall built high.

It's not 'him' or 'they' or 'her'. IT'S ME.


The agreement I am walking - is thus far the most challenging experience. Because it forces me to See myself for Real - as what I allow to exist within myself - who I am in my interactions with him - the games I play, the manipulations I maneuver - sounds like maneur - it's the shit I accept. A load a crap I carry - all to not face myself, as what I've created…

Day 16 - Redefining Money

Day 16

Money as it exists - support abuse and inequality.

And as the human fears it - it only validates money's power and control within this World.

Yet what if the Human were to change this.

Into something of Support.

When the Human creates money as a Support for life - as it provides food, shelter, water, clothes. It provides Life to those that have it.

Why not give this to All.

Instead of allowing it to abuse, through our acceptance of a System that feeds the few and fucks the rest.

This System of Money is Unacceptable.

Our Relationship to Money is unacceptable.

As I was applying Self Forgiveness for my Relationship to Money - I saw just how much power I gave it to run my life. And how much I allowed it to Direct me in my direct fear of it.

Instead of seeing it as a means to support. Me. As Life.

It isn't Money that is the Problem. It is the Human - that defines Money as such.

Time to Redefine it very existence to that of Support for ALL Life.

Simple - this one Point.

Day 15 - Bring it back to Self - and Move from Here

Day 15

Seeing how back chat/secret Mind can assist Self. See it and Stop it immediately!

My back chat has been in an uprising lately - and it's specifically thoughts of expectation from others and when I don't get what I 'want' - it fires up with all these judgments and justifications for why I experience myself the way that I do. Hiding my responsibility to stop it myself.

I see how easy it is to exist in the Mind - because this is how we've always existed - and the changing to becoming the breath is 'more difficult' - yet not impossible. It's the 'comfortability' of how things have 'always been' as the accepted 'way it is'. Yet, I wont give up on myself.

Because I have shown myself in the past that I am able to stop and breath and no longer participate in this back chat.

I simply stop. Because if I don't - I know what happens - my experience of myself, with myself and my environment and others within my environment are infl…

Day 14 - It's the Matter that Matters

Day 14

Thinking is separation - separation from what is Here as the phsycial Reality -where we are in fact and that which matters.

As I was washing a french press that I have at my mom's place - it reminded me of when I was on the Desteni Farm - where I first used a french press. I was in my mind within this memory, the different experiences I had with the french press and how I broke at least 1, very possible 2 of them while I was there.

And while I was thinking about this - within the Reality that is Here - that Reality I was separating myself from being within the memory, existing only for me, I broke the french press I was washing.

Interesting - because as I was separating from the Physical Reality, existing in the Imaginary Reality - I ended up breaking/ruining what it is I was actually participating with.

Just a small example and reminder for me of what it means to be within and As the Mind - it completely disregards what is Real - what is actually Here - and allows for the …

Day 13 - The Ego wins this time - yet I still Breathe

my partner had a talk – specifically because the night before we got into a argument about me saying to him that his experience wasn’t ‘real’ because he used the words think, believe and feel. Iknow these words are specific – yet he did not like me ‘invalidating him’. He says he sees nothing wrong with thoughts feelings or beliefs/emotions being a part of the human experience – yet everything desteni has shared says otherwise. And I realize it’s not about what ‘they tell me is true’ the truth needs to come from me in self honesty. Yet – I’ve proven to myself that these things are not real – because I have stopped my participation. Perhaps this is what I need to realize. That if I was living these principles and being the example, or perhaps walking through these points as self will – then I would be able to share my experience myself. Then it would not be knowledge and information – it would be lived as me, proving that these things are in fact the delusion and the deception.

I did exp…

Day 12 - The Writing Process

Day 12
How about a little self Honesty.

It's cool that I've 'made it' to day 12 - yet I don't 'feel' any different. Perhaps I was expecting this writing Process to 'be something more' or create some kind of change within me - yet how can something 'change me', if it's not be doing it myself. This writing process is simply a support system - A way that I support myself. It is a tool. It is not something outside of me that creates something 'for me'.

It is what I make it. So what am I making it?

Something that I place my faith into in trusting that it will create something for me?

No - it should be me Writing as a point of Self Direction. Self Movement, me making the decision of what this Writing Process is for Me. Kind of like being in charge.

This is what it's about. To move myself within myself to direct my world - my actions, instead of it being something that directs me, or causing me to have an experience.

It's like p…

Day 11 - Change is Possible

Day 11

So interesting to see today. Slowing myself as breath - being able to see who I am in each moment. What I found today, just a few moments ago actually - was this 'desire' to make a big deal out of something - more specifically I was attempting to 'make a point' within my agreement.

It was like I was 'wanting' to or pretending or attempting to create a point within my partner - and then try and discuss this point with him - as if I was concerned. Yet actually - what I was doing was attemtping to exist witihin limitation and pettyness and jealousy and insecurities - but through breathing and being here - I, in self honesty, just couldn't. It wasn't a big deal -

Hmm.. more specifically, the experience was like I wanted to replay who I've been in the past - seeing the potential to create a situation/drama, because this is what I usually do in the past, become annoyed within my relationship, and wanting to blame the other person for making me feel…

Day 10 - Self Direction = Self Satisfying

So today was cool - I was able to spend some more time I have been online - watching vids and working in DIP lessons. Mostly reading. And I have been able to slow myself down with breathing - and direct myself in moments of 'getting things done'. Specifically within the internet point - wanting to watch certain vids and rate them as well, support those that are 'putting themselves out there', catching up on going through my emails. Basically allowing myself to do what needed to be done.

Also, was able to push myself to complete a lesson within Basic Mind Components - as there is a sense of fullfillment - in that I have completed that which needed to be completed, so I am satisfied with myself. There is no sence of  stress, as when I am not directing myself effetively to 'keep up', and simply direct myself through the point.

I see how easily I allow myself to get distracted, like on facebook and with other things, aimlessly wondering the web, this is when I brin…

Day 9 - Lead by Example

Talking with my mom today about certain actions of another family member - I saw myself become angry and disgusted. I was annoyed and agitated because of this persons actions and those of other family members that continue to support her in certain actions she takes.

Yet what I realize is that - I have not control over who she is or what she does. Obviously - the power I hold is within myself to ensure who I am and what I do with myself. Yet I also realize that she is reflecting back to me things within myself that I havent yet taken responsibility for. Perhaps certain actions I am still holding against myself and have not fully allowed mysefl to forgive and let go.

Still - the point is simple. The Change I have is within me - and to concern myself with another's way of living and choices in actions is attempting to only avoid taking responsibility for me and also honesty a waste of energy. Because again, I am only in control of myself, who I am, what I do, and all I am able to do…